worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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