Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
