you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
