sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
