Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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