She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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