i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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