on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
