I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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