i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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