They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
