So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
