Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize