so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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