If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
