Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
