More tranny stories later!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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