Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
