they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize