I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
