haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
