I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
