You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
