Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
