you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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