Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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