I want to make a zoo with you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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