we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
