Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
