I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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