i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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