Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
