Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
