Michael Bay diarrhea
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize