It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
