we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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