Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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