oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
