Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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