I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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