I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
