when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize