kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
