hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize