I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
