After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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