my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
