On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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