some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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