no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
