When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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