dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
