I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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