I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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