Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
