The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
