Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I pour the whiskey from now on
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
