I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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