IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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