I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
