You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
