so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She said her name was "party"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
