I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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