woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
