I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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