I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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