I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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