if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
