I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
