i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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